Throwback

Idea: Dari Langit

Sumber: Throwback by @Pian

Cili merah yang dah kian mengecut dibelah dua. Bawang yang siap dikupas dibasuh dan dicampak ke dalam blander. Seketika mata berlari di dada jam. ‘Dah pukul 11 Mia oii!’

“Posmen bagi salam.”

Kepala kalih ke belakang. Kosong. Suara tanpa tuan!

“Ya?” Muka konpius.

Pak Cik posmen jungkit kening. Tangan yang memegang kertas putih dihulur tanpa suara.

‘Eh?’ sipi bibir terangkat. ‘Mak aih pak cik nih garang ho ho ho!’ ‘Nak buat pe dengan kertas nih?’ Bibir digigit.

“Err, untuk apa eh?”

Kening yang terangkat makin tinggi, ‘Eh budak ni biar benor idok tau?’ “Sign dan no ic.”

“Ohhhh..”

Bungkusan ditangan dipandang tembus, ‘Eh, masak!’ sebelum dicampak ke tengah sofa.

“Masak pe?”

Santan yang dah mengeleggak dikacau perlahan. Tanpa kalih pandang, bibir menutur malas. “Rendang.”

“Rendang ayam.”

Angguk. ‘Oh umi, anak mu ini tengah tingtong tak leh cakap bebanyak coz my head wanna be explode. Sabar lah duhai diri oii!’ Mata dipejam kejap.

“Nasi dah tanak?”

“Dah.”

“Eh…” Tudung saji yang terangkat memaku anak mata.

“Umi…”

“Apesal letak kat sini…”

Handphone yang tersadai dipandang beku. ‘Oh umi, I’m so disappointed with you.,,’

“Nah. Letak elok elok.” Handphone yang dihulur disambut. “Kejap lagi umi kena pi sekolah balik.”

“Ok.”

“Nanti barang tu Mai hantar kat atas.”

“Ok.”

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Kain di ampaian yang dah sekering dedaun yang berguguran diangkat laju. Deringan yang menjerit kuat menghantar refleks pada kaki untuk berlari.

“Yup?”

“Dah pi bank?”

“Dah. Orang ramai. Tak leh nak buat transaksi. Jap lagi gi balik.”

“Ok, nanti dah sudah mesej abah.”

“Ai sir.”

Kain jemuran dicampak ke dalam bakul. Tubuh didarat ke sisi katil. Kepala dibawa pusing ke kiri-kanan. ‘Mak aihh bilik hamba..!’ Getaran fonsel membawa mata mendarat seketika didada skrin. Nafas ditarik. Ada rasa yang tengah bergolak dihati dan akal merusuh bersama.

Rasa tak patut..

‘Mai, what you’re doing huh? Boleh sebab fonsel  je, keluar ayat camgitu kat umi?’ Kepala dah tergeleng diluar sedar. ‘Dissapointed lah kunun!’

Telapak tangan dibawa ke muka. ‘Betullah dah sampai masa muhasabah diri. Dah sibuk sangat berlari kejar rutin hari hari, diri yang makin lari dari landasan tak sempat nak dikoreksi.’

How can I feel disspointed when mom just coincidently drops my handphone? Maybe because that thing that I work on it was become the precious thing that I care most, so that I’m feeling so disappointed when it was been crushed. But do I care when I was disspointed mom and dad with my bad previous result? Honestly I never care. I just walk with caring nothing about people around myself.

Betullah, manusia tu sering lupa walau dalam keadaan apa pun yang meletakkan diri; susah atau senang. Buktinya? Hah, diri sendiri ni pun dah cukup. Kalau Allah tak campak rasa sayang kat ibu bapa dan adik beradik kita, do you think you will care them enough? Do you think you will respect them in the best manner that you holding on?

And I think I will not. And that’s why He was The Only One that holding our heart. Drive us in the real manner. To be act as human. I’m a very bad person when I lost my track, and I will be a human when He had guided me. This is reason why our teenagers loss their respect and ambush their own parents; because they loss Allah in their way that make them immost on the meaning of love. How they will respect their parents when they don’t know what the love is?

It’s hard to get there – Allah. But it was a battle when you enter the field without any weapon yet you do throw yourself because you know He will be there to guide you into His Way. I don’t know how hard your day, how deep your pain, but I believe that’s how everybody deals with his/her life. For sure, we lost, we break, we fall, we tears because that process throw us to stand firm at the day when we’re not knowing the storm will reach us; and He Knows.

Everytime you feel that you’re alone actually you’re not because He was looking down on you – a moments where just you and Him.

Bibir yang tarik senyum tanpa sedar membuatkan diri sendiri melepaskan gelak. ‘I think I was overdoing thinking!’

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Getaran kuat yang menandakan mesej masuk membuatkan refleks tangan mencapai fonsel yang sejengkal dari sila.

‘Pian.’

Dahi berkerut tiga lapis.

A matter of change is you!

Lapisan didahi mula mengendur. Kepala tanpa sedar mengangguk perlahan. ‘I got the message. Thanks dude!’

Bila ingat balik a day yang full with ‘talk-time’ benda tu boleh campak diri ke tahap takat didih yang mampu menyedarkan diri sendiri. Kadang kadang that kind of throwback tu mampu buat pipi basah dengan air mata. Dan ada kadangkalanya boleh membuatkan bibir memuntahkan gelak yang tiba tiba. And I think, it was the Gift that He given to us after the ‘pain’ that we hold tearing – a beautiful break, before the next battle.

“Nah.”

Buku yang disua membuatkan kening terangkat. “Huh?”

“Beli hari tu.”

“Dah tu?”

“Bacalah.”

“Habes dah?”

Geleng. Coklat yang tersadai dicubit dan disumbat ke mulut. “Tak leh baca.”

“Heh?” Bibir dah terherot. ‘Ape ke pelik beli buku dok baca?’

“Nanti terbakor…”

‘Nak gelak or buat buat simpati?’ “Dah kenape?”

“It was too afraid.”

Kepala spontan dibawa mendarat ke dada buku ditangan. ‘Reclaim Your Heart’ By Yasmin Mogahed.

“Best?”

Angguk.

“Ok. Thanks!”

“Oraite.”

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“Kak, jom backpack gi Korea.”

“Heh?” Belakang pen digigt geram ‘Haih awat susah sangat ni?’

“Next year eh.”

Kepala diangkat, terus memandang objek yang tengah mengunyah kacang didepannya.

“InsyaAllah next year akak nak gi umrah.”

“Oh..”

“Jom.”

Gelak. “Tak leh nanti terbakor.”

Kepala digeleng dengan sengihan dibibir. “Bakor sungguh karang baru tahu. Jom lah. Akak belanja.”

Diam. Sengih. Kacang dikunyah laju.

“Nanti after pi umrah kita pi lah Korea nah..”

“Oraite!”

“You owe me that promise. I will claim.”

“In regard.” Bibir tarik sengih.

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I see your sorrow dude; your eyes spell it. You’re missing the old kid that you had ever been – freedom from the matter-of-life. No need to mess up with the things that break your heart over and over again. No need to fallen when you’re in the top. No need to carry the responsible that written on your shoulder. Just stay and enjoy the life.

I know you are trying harder to adjust it. I know when you’re keeping your dark side away to get up back but it still keep spinning out on your head. Sometimes the matter doesn’t go as the flow you want it but it did happen on His way; as He want it. We have to accept and start learned – to ‘Redha’.

Today, you are the reason I hold my stand. Look back through you, I found myself; life should be enjoying – in the border that put you and Allah on the circle. I had emptied my soul by stay individualized. I had a back-story that holds me from handed my hand to make a friend and I turn out as a person with no soul. I just receive without giving – and honestly it hurt me deep down inside when stand in this place now, I realized I can’t redeem that time again – the mistake that I re-do and keep hurting my-love-one till I don’t even can say a words to him; knowing that I can’t replace his wound and he deserved better.

As you try to live the life, I learned to stand and hold all the pain to turn into the joy – been conscious that I have to love and appreciate on what comes in my life no matter what kind of thing that they bring; good either bad.

Dude, thanks a lot! Even you don’t speak loudly, you do touched me in the way you are.

I was stiff when I heard it from you. Totally..

‘You’re strong enough kak. You had been along the way to be standing up here now. Fight ‘that’ as you firmly fight the matters that had been knocking you down many of times. It’s not the end. It was just a begining. And you’re exactly where Allah wants you to be right now.’

When we never share our taught and our kind stories-of-the-dark-side, how could you do read my mind slumber-dak huh? And I was totally lost my words!

And I’m standing here, learning to step, learning to thank, learning to giving, learning to love, and learning about the life – to live in the real track as the abdillah.

I don't walk on this life as an expert. I do many mistakes and wrongdoings. Sometimes I do harsh others heart with my kerek's words that I throw when I was been up by emotions; and I'm sorry for this kind of haish-things that I'm still failed to hold it. As I walk far away in this journey, I meet a lot of people that print marked on something that I used to stand today. They were not perfect, but they have a kind of pure heart. They don't expect in return, but they love to share. They don't have anything, but they are trying to give the best they were. They do a kind of holding you tight when you're about to fall. They wipe your tears by turn it into joy when yourself about to stop the walk; giving up. How can I'm not proud to tell the world that they are my friends? When with them I know the hard things will heal soon coz He never break His Promise. When with them I know I am just a learner that still starting to climb the mountain before I will be at the top; smiling with the great thanked to Him.

Today, I realized I owe You too much Rabb. Too much till I don't have a words to throw when I feel too bad as I never tryin to be the best I am to return on what You had Given. May You bless and guide me till I back to You, Amin.

Rabb, guard him to your way. Heal the wound that I painted on him with Your Love. Thank you for Gifted me the precious Gift that bring me standing as a person I am today. Bless him with Your Mercy Ya Rabb…

Love.

A simple line that can make you laugh or cry

Simple line that bring a meaning

When I am waking up besides you

Watching the sunrise on your faced

Know that I can say I love you

At any given time or place

And you’re the place my life begins

And you’ll be where it ends..

15012015–nk